Claustrophobia...of a different kind !!!

I feel trapped...as if claustrophobic...nauseated...
I am pinned down...nailed to a cross...bound by ropes...unable to move...unable to struggle...unable to shout...unable to even squeal...

I need to burst out of this cage...rip apart the chains that hold me down...shout out loud, at the top of my voice...scream out, to be precise...take a breath of fresh air...

Ahhh!!!...Freedom...Why dost thou forsake me thus???.....

For the shame of being alive !!!

     The mechanics have been set in motion...again!!...Thank God for that!!...(Hmm...funny that I used the word 'God').....This time its a crude and off-beat movie that had the honour of oiling up the machinery, if any, in my mind...

The shame of being alive!!!...Its true...a state of mind that all of us have experienced atleast once or a nagging in our hearts that we feel incessantly...A feeling that we all race to shut out...Why??...Only one answer to that...
Its because we as a species are the most selfish and the greatest cowards of all living beings..

Why do we succumb to fear?..What is it that changes us into such great cowards?..Why do we stand so indifferent, as if ignorant, watching the atrocities and the inhumanity that surrounds us...without as much as a breath in response?...Why?.....

It is past time!!!...Let yourselves go!...Don't hold back anymore...Feel the pain..the suffering...the throbbing melancholy that comes from the deepest of the heart...Feel it...soak in it!!!...
Let the hair on your backs rise!!!...your blood curl!!!...Clench your fists!!!...Drown in the agony and anguish that spreads over you!!!...

Don't stand back anymore...your limits have been reached...Enough is enough!!!...
Fight back...godammit !!!!!....
For the shame of being alive!!!

".....It is there, in the final moments, for people whose farthest horizon has always been tomorrow, that one comprehends the profound tragedy circumscribing the life of the proletariat the world over. In those dying eyes there is a submissive appeal for forgiveness and also, often, a desperate plea for consolation which is lost to the void, just as their body will soon be lost in the magnitude of mystery surrounding us. How long the present order, based on an absurd idea of caste, will last is not within my means to answer, but it's time that those who govern spent less time publicizing their own virtues and more money, much more money, funding socially useful works."...
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                          - Ernesto Guevara de la Serna ("Che")

You & I !!!

Who are you?....What are you?

I pity you for you are but just a mask...a person of strong, hypocritical and hollow words...But I ask you..why don't you act...take charge??...
Weak...hesitant...a coward???
Bask in the glory of your vain and empty words, you do...Why so, I ask...Why?
Are you happy?...Are you satisfied, content with what you are, what you've become?...
I think both of us know the answers to those questions...
But always keep in mind..."You are responsible for whatever you are!!!"

A Prologue, of sorts !!!

I recall the opening lines of a superb book, where the author accentuates that the words to follow are not mere findings of a cynic. However, unlike that great mind, I am inclined to say the very opposite of that. These are the by-products of the intermittent intensity of the thought processes of an extremely cynical mind. One that has not yet shown the courage or determination to stop this incessant whining and start taking action, for a change.

Living Dead !!!

I pity you for what you are...I pity you for what you've become..such a waste..
You are solely responsible..all the more reason to pity you, you fool !!!

Wake up!...You are losing yourself...losing time...precious time. You are losing your zeal, your enthusiasm, your basic and most burning desire to live...to truly live, I mean.
The flame is being blown off...Wake up, you fool !!!

Are you still alive?...If you are, you are living a lie...just hoping to survive. An icy numbness has spread over you...You have forgotten to smile...to laugh with your heart...and not your teeth..Your eyes give you away...They've lost their old sparkle !!!
  
Break free from the shackles...How?...I don't know...But I'll be there to help..with you always !!!

Wake up, my dear friend...Rise from this untimely death !!!






 

THE END OF LIFE, AS I KNEW IT FOR FOUR YEARS !!!

Sree Chitra Thirunal College of Engineering......
The sheer impact of these mere words strung together is simply unbelievable...a simple recital of these words bring unto me a feeling unaccounted for...Maybe the fact that I spent four of THE most unbelievably fantastic years of my life to this point, at this college, is justification for the feeling I experience..but still, there has to be something else..something more...
I still remember the first day I walked into the college, my college (which it'll forever be) for my admission procedures. I remember thanking God for his showering of abundant love on me (no sarcasm intended!!!)...I had lived upto a personal dream of mine..getting into SCT....mind you...it was a dream and never a goal...as both of these can be a far cry from each other at some times!!!...
The pace with which the next four years of my life unfurled can stand tested for the notion that time flies when you have a great time...The fact is...I had more than a hell of a great time!!!...
A flash-back of sorts would comprise of the events and happenings in the lives of any person who has truly enjoyed and loved his college-days and his friends. To pen down these would take too much of my time and thoughts over the next few months...and so I do not get into the details...
A complete contrast from the excited and overjoyed feeling I had in me on the first day, would be the dull, monotonous, icy numbness I feel now, at the end of life, as I knew it for four glorious years!!!
I could never ever forget the pang of pain I felt one day, as we, SCTians, were hosting a tech and cultural event, a couple of months back. A light drizzle enveloping us, as we sang and moved to tunes of Volume, a south-Indian band, I stood arms around a tight-knit group of friends. I remember slowly sweeping my eyes over the entire campus....small but cozy...That single glance around me, told me at that moment that, HEAVEN was here....where I was right then!!!!!
At this moment, over a cup of black-coffee, solitary in my room, against a back-drop of a light shower spraying on my windows, I sit at my desk with a feeling of unmitigated sadness...an incessant pain throbbing away somewhere inside my chest...